Seasons Greetings

So Christmas is fast approaching once again and in a week we will be getting ready for the last ‘sleep’ before Santa as the children’s programmes keep informing us.

This coming week will undoubtedly be the busiest for myself and my family, what with getting ready for the actual day, finishing shopping for stocking fillers, finish wrapping (started doing this this afternoon!), delivering wreaths to my family graves, three different graves at two different cemeteries (which is scheduled for Wednesday), grocery shopping for the festive break (scheduled for Sunday the 23rd, the 23rd being our preferred day leaving Christmas Eve for preparing food and any emergency items we need to rush to the supermarket for before early closing time).

And those are just the tip of the iceberg for the coming week, also tomorrow (Tuesday) and Thursday are childminding days when we look after my youngest nephew then put him into his nursery class at 1pm. Also my youngest nephew has come down with a stomach bug which is a shame as he is just getting over a horrid cold.

Also my eldest nephew is going into the hospital on Thursday to have an operation on his big toe, he has a horrid ingrown toenail which is causing the toe to become continually badly infected. It’s an in-patient appointment for a short operation which means he goes in early (around 8am actually) and hopefully will get out in the late afternoon at the latest.

Also on Thursday (or Friday) depending on my schedule (with my eldest nephew going into hospital that day we might have the school run and feeding the eldest two that afternoon/night) to drive across town and hand in our (my parents and I as well as a couple of small things on behalf of my nephews) presents for our aunt into her house as well as pick up the bags she generally has. Not all ours, mostly gifts for my three nephews, my brother and sister-in-law as well as our own from her to save my Dad struggling home on the bus with multiple bags of gifts.

So all in all a busy busy week!!

So hopefully it will be worth it on the day(s) to come.

So if I don’t get back to you before then, have a great holiday season regardless of your religion or beliefs on the season, I wish you all well and hope you have a great time.

Sunday

Today is Sunday, well duh!!

So my youngest nephew is being dropped off while his Mum goes Xmas shopping, she is also going to pick up/drop off my Mother, Brother and two other boys at the local football park for there is a match there today between the two home teams I believe.

She will pick them up afterwards and drop my Mum off home and pick the youngest up at the same time afterwards.

So I will have my youngest nephew for at least two and a half hours, so there goes the plan to do some blogging or vlogging this afternoon while it was quiet.

Apologies

Excuse my lack of updates here, but my PC died and had to go away to be possibly fixed. It was away for around a month when it was finally returned by the courier service fixed with a new PSU installed inside the tower itself.

Since it returned a couple of weeks back or so it's been tricky. Half the time it crashes when I attempt to shut down which concerns me. So I'm babying it as I think it's not quite right. While the new part got the darn thing to switch on, which it wasn't doing hence the need to send it away to the repair-shop  but I think it's dying slowly. So I've spent the past week or so transferring content off my PC to external drives so if it does die again I won't suffer too much of a loss to personal data.

Kobo Glo

Well it's Sunday already, I got quite a surprise when I attended my occupational therapy appointment on Wednesday.

Monday Already?

It's Monday morning already, and I have had a very bad night last night. I kept waking with pains in my ribs which also made me feel sick to my stomach at the same time. Between waking, breathing through pain and trying not to throw up I barely slept a wink last night.

Very bad as I had to get up I had to up early this morning to get to my brother's house before he left for work at 8 am. He is due to have a repair man come look at a problem with his new side board sometime today, afternoon he thinks but he lost the slip of paper with the correct time frame on it, so it could be any-time.

Also as my sister-in-law's grandfather is due out of hospital sometime today her Mother wanted to switch child minding days from tomorrow to today. So we have my youngest nephew to not only put into preschool but also the two youngest to pick up just after 3 pm from two different primary schools. Both my brother and sister-in-law are primary school teachers and have parents night both tonight and Wednesday this week.

I am totally knackered. Fighting to keep awake after my bad night and my ribs are still painful and even breathing hurts at the moment. Also today we have to fit in our grocery shopping which we usually do Monday mornings, petrol as my car is getting really low, a preschool drop off, two school pick ups and a repairman at my brothers house to see to. My Father is also sitting in at our house as we have a plumber due this week, no firm day but an AM call. So he's having to sit in our house in case the plumber calls today, if he doesnt arrive by noon he is walking along to sit in here while I go for lunch for my nephew and us, then he will also sit in when we do the drop off and pick ups.

iPod Dictates

Hello there, long time no read, I am currently testing out the free iPod app for Dragon NaturallySpeaking version 12 which works as a wireless microphone for the software.

I'm currently using both the app with the software to dictate this blog post. I'm quite impressed with it so far, but find that unless the room is completely quiet I need to hold the iPod quite close to my mouth to have it to translate accurately. Fortunately with my television muted I can place my iPod down on the table in front of me and talk normally.

Welcome to my blog

This might seem a strange blog post but I decided to start afresh. So please excuse me if I repeat something that you've read in the prior blog post.

Last Post

No ... not last post on the blog ... but the last non-this blog's post. I never intended to post the previous two or three posts to this particular blog and I don't want the same thing happening here that happened at my original 'disabled' blog when it evolved into a personal anything-goes blog instead of my intention to blog only about disability type issues.

But that said, I will finish what I started, I got both a answering machine message on my home phone as well as a follow up email. My Google tablet will be with me my the end of the week both said. It will be sent out at the beginning on the week (tomorrow if I interpret the order page correctly) and both communications say it will be with me this week.

So that's that back to my scheduled programming in the future.

Still Waiting

Well, the Google Nexus 7, is now marked in bold red letters 'Back in Stock' on the PC World's website available for both home delivery and store pick within 1 hour. Yet my order remains, 'Your items will be dispatched as soon as stock is available'. So as this is the second day without an update as the tablet continues to get sold both on-line and in-store by PC World I emailed them and asked for a time frame/estimate of when my order would be sent out as it was marked as 'in stock now' and 'available now' on the PC World site. Now I just have to wait while they get their collective finger out.

In Stock but Awaiting Stock?

Colour me confused. PC World has the Google Nexus 7 'in stock' to buy for either home delivery or pick-up in-store within 1 hour. Yet my order, which they've taken the money for on Tuesday, is still marked as order being fulfilled when stock is available. IF they have stock to take new orders, both in-store and online, they should have stock to fulfil orders already taken and paid for.

Respite

I attended my OT appt absolutely wrecked. No change in my hand strength test but I did have a major flare up when I had to press the darn machine to get the figures which led to me spending 15 minutes in warm water while at the hospital.

She advised me to go to my GP about my feet, she says Fibro doesn't cause that or swollen fingers which I am also suffering from a lot. Already knew that, I figure the fingers are RA related because I've had arthritis in them since initial diagnosis, as for the feet she reckons it could be arthritis or some unknown condition I've developed which can be either connected to my disabilities/diseases or not.

I found that PC World have changed the in-stock estimate for the Google Nexus 7 tablet instead of being the 2nd of August instead of the 10th which it originally was when I pre-ordered at the weekend. Probably explains why they charged my card yesterday and got payment from my bank. I wondered as it wasn't due back in stock for another 10 days.

Stressed Out

I'm feeling stressed out and totally fed up. Disgusted. Terrified. Angry. Furious Even. All those lovely negative things that are regular visitors to my life.

Royal Fail ... Again

Well, Royal Fail, has failed again to deliver on time. I was due to get a memory card I ordered for my kodak camcorder by 1pm today and you guessed it ... no sign of it. No mail at all today to be honest. When the card hadn't arrived by 1pm I knew I wouldn't see it before Monday now as our mail depot (and most probably all RM depots everywhere) only work until 1pm on Saturdays. We only get mail on Saturday afternoons during the festive season and only if they are behind or swamped under and need to pay overtime to their posties to deliver the mountain of mail they have.

Got Space

Well, I've finally cracked and managed to decide which external hard drive I would buy for easing the space constraints on my poor old PC and to move some of the mass of videos I have on the laptop as well.

Here I Go Again

Well, another WCA dropped through my letter box mid afternoon, so again I have to fill it in and wait to see if I'm found miraculously 'fit for work' with or without the infamous ATOS medical.

End of June Almost!!

See a theme in my recent postings? Well it's the 20th of June already and I haven't been able to post to my blogs much, translation at all, recently.

End of May ... Already?!!

Well, it's the end of the May already and this year is speeding in quicker than 2011 which in and of itself was a quick year. Is this what happens? Every year after a certain age the time speeds up for you?!! Frightening thought that there!

So on the 10th I had my check up with my Rhematologist at the hospital and don't have to go back until January 2013 for my next one.

41

Well today I turned 41 years old. Yeah Me!!

Yesterday was blogging against disablism day, something which I have never heard of previously but wish I had as I would have made a point to blog yesterday.

I am getting ready for Fibromyalgia Awareness Day which is the 12th of May and haven't had much energy to spend much time on any of the regular 'disabled' haunts where I talk with other disabled people and those who care for and love them on almost a daily basis. Trying to give what little help I can.

New Way to Blog

I have found a new way to blog, I had forgot all about this application that I bought for my iPod touch and it works a whole lot better on my new iPad especially in conjunction with the dictation software included on the new iPad.

I am sick to death hearing how people like me shouldn't have nice things like iPads, mobiles, or computers. Or have fun on days out or even go on holidays.

Yes, I'm disabled, yes I'm unable to work, but no I'm not going to stop saving so that once in a decade, yes you heard right folks, I did say decade, I saved up enough to buy myself an iPad! Yes it's official, you heard it here first people, I can get stuff that so many people seem to believe people like me shouldn't have just by saving up for it. Just like 'normal people' do!

The dictation software included in the new iPad is far superior to the dictation software in Windows 7 in my humble opinion.

Is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but it is far more accurate than I would've believed it could be, let me tell you folks!!!

I'm having a lot of fun playing around with this software.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Excited

Well, I'm officially, kind of, excited.

Long Time, No Blog

I know, I know, I know, I'm a very bad blogger!

Life has been a tad difficult with my health over the last month, more flares and mini-flares, than I can remember. The abrupt change in weather from sweltering heat to rain to snow kind of scuppered me. Stared with loosing my voice and just shot off in a lot of different directions from there on out.

What Cha Doing?

To quote my youngest nephew, "What Cha Doing?", and I'm learning how to to do things like video blogging and pod-casting.

As I am still in the early learning process of creating my own videos I have also been looking into embedding audio files - pod-casts I believe they are referred to - for when I am unable to sit and use my computer/laptop to physically type up content for my blogs.

I bought this really cheap Computer Gear microphone and am blown away by the audio quality it provides, I tested it out using the free Audacity software to create audio files. It really surprised me even sounding better - to me anyway - than my live chat headset I got for learning voice recognition on my laptop. Or rather my Mother's laptop, I must remember that, but she wants to get the full use of her laptop so it's not sitting in it's bag between the times she wants to use it. So it sits by default in my room and it's a big help when I am unable to sleep or unable to sit comfortably enough to sit in the living room with my desktop.

I can rest my weary bones on my much more comfortable memory foam mattress in my room when required and still not go round the bend with nothing to do. I find using my pc to be a great help especially on days and weeks where the walls are coming in on me and I'm not physically able to get out. Thank you very much for technology!

As well as giving me access to the world outside my four walls, it helps me by reminding me to take my medications, when to pay my bills so I don't forget and have to also pay charges, and stops me becoming even more solitary than my disability already does.

I can talk, virtually speaking, to others like myself who are house bound or trapped due to illness. People who understand completely, allowing me to be less alone in this whole she-bang.

I lived through my spinal deformities and all the health woes and pains it caused me and all I had access to was books while trapped in my bed for days on end only seeing anyone else when they returned from school/work that day and I couldn't expect them to 'entertain' me the rest of time. It wasn't fair to them. So I spent hours, and hours, and hours alone with only my pain and thoughts for company. So believe me technology is a big help and at least a companion for me when I am physically alone.

Sometimes technology is the truly the  best medicine.

Let's Talk About It

We are inundated with unsolicited advice when we go out in public, so much so we dread travelling outside our house.

Will parking in the supermarket and displaying my blue badge mean some random stranger to launch a scrounger hate filled rhetoric in my direction? Or will this be the time that it stops being verbal and turns to something physical? Is it worth the risk to find out?

These are thoughts that I wrestle with more and more these days, every retelling from another disabled individual fuels my fear for my own safety while doing something that millions do everyday. Shop for food.

Disabled hate crime is disgusting, even more disgusting is that it's those charged with supporting and helping us have any kind of life who is fuelling this fire of hatred.

Discrimination of all types is morally and legally wrong.

Why is disabled hate crimes not considered just as vile as someone verbally and physically attacking another person because of their skin colour, religion or sexual orientation?

How Do I?

How do I explain to you how I feel? How it feels to be in pain 24/7, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year?

Just how to you go about explaining it?

I've sat down more times than I care to remember to put my thoughts on this into words adequate enough to explain how it feels to be me.

Sometimes I lie awake silently begging invisible Gods and Goddesses to help me, to stop the pain just for a few minutes, a couple of hours or even for a whole day. What would I do with a full day without the pain that has become my constant companion. My invisible life-partner.

Invisible to everyone but me who feels it's presence even on any good or fairly good days I might have.

Along with the illnesses, diseases, disorders or however who would class them I also have other invisible life partner. One is called depression, another stress, another nerves, another frustration ... the list of these life partners are endless. Or at least feel this way to me. Every-time I name one another appears to take it's place.

How do I explain to those who are supposed to help me, therapists, doctors, specialist, friends, family and politicians alike. How do I explain to those who don't want to understand?

My body is a battle ground and every second of every day it is being fought over relentlessly by all these invisible enemies. My body is a field of war, but how do I explain this? How do I explain how I feel?

How to I explain the fear that live with?

Will this be the appointment when I am given yet another disease or disorder to add to my list of afflictions. Is this the day  I am given the one which will take what little life I have from me?

How do I explain?

Can you tell me?

Mad March

Well, it's better than any of the other blog titles I could think of!

My Dabs order was despatched last night, logged into sorting depot at midnight and left sorting depot sixty seconds later heading for the delivery depot I would suppose. Since then to change or update on the tracking service.

Tomorrow is shaping up to be a very busy day for me as my brother is dropping off his three boys while he and his wife head out of town to Costco who apparently have a sale going on and some items they are interested in are in it.

We had to do our violin school run again as my eldest nephew forgot to pick up his violin this morning and left it on his bed, so had to head to brother's house, pick it up and head back across town to drop it off during lunchtime so that he would have it for his lesson in the afternoon.

My youngest nephew is really getting into the computer, it's the return of the 'Magic Desktop', a built in piece of software which creates a kiddie-safe desktop which various puzzles, games and even a note pad application for younger children wanting to learn to safely use a computer. When I got my PC three or so years ago it was my middle nephew who spent all his time visiting us after nursery playing with the computer, now it's the youngest. Now if only I can get him to stop crashing the program and jamming my PC by crazy clicking or continually holding down the mouse.

So I think I'll head to bed early tonight because I know they will be here early tomorrow and they never are ones to let me sleep in any.

I have set up my YouTube channel for this blog and now just need to get some videos made and uploaded. The only problem is I tend to get side tracked and ramble completely off in an unexpected direction, have difficulty vocalizing my thoughts and other problems when I try to record some short *snort* videos. Last one I was talking about the Work Program and how it reminded me of my own experience on the YTS between 16 and 18 and before I knew it I had recorded over half an hour of rambles about my *excuse the misnomer* experience on work placement under this scheme.

Vlogging

I just got myself a little budget pocket camcorder, a Kodak PlaySport ZX5, Amazon had it on sale with around 40% off RRP. So I bought it as I have been enjoying recording my diary either on my iPod or on my Mother's laptop via the in-built webcam.

The webcam quality and file size left a lot to be desired and while it was good for just personal journalling if I wanted to share anything on-line on my blogs it was quite frankly awful.

My iPod is only the entry level 8GB sized version and I had to remove clips daily as space was at a premium. So I tend to record short clips of my family, my nephews mostly, and record audio diary entries through the built in Voice Memos Application it wasn't much use for recording vlog entries for any of my blogs. I was seriously thinking of vlogging my book reviews as typing has become a major pain. Quite literally.

Also while the iPod gives great video and audio quality you have to physically hold it at arms length at all time so that it's not 'in your face' so to speak. As I have shoulder pain due to having RA in both shoulder this was impossible for me to physically do and the iPod isn't the easiest thing to prop up to record from. Evne though the front facing camera was great for making sure you were shooting a good picture. Not cutting your own head half off or something.

So next I thought of my old 3 year old digital camera. This records AVI videos and while the quality looks pretty good on the small viewer screen you don't know how the video is until you transfer it to your computer and then the video looks washed out and the video rather tinny sometimes. All right for personal diary/journalling but not the greatest for posting. But then I am going to record on both my Kodak and my Olympus at the same time and do a contrast test for myself for my own curiosity.

So look forward to some Invisible Me video blogs in the near future. Hopefully!!

Painful Me

My jaw/gum pain is battling against my joints and other painful areas to see who is the victor at the moment. The weekend just a cloud of pain-filled memories. Yuck!

After getting my tooth extracted on Friday I stood on my trembling legs in the dentist's reception area thanking all deities that I had my crutches to stop me landing in an undignified heap on the floor in front of the others there.

Depressed

Quite honestly I feel like lying down and crying myself to sleep. Hoping when I wake up that my life will be better. Or my legs/hips/back will be all healed up and usable once again.

I have just had the Occupational Therapist visit from the social work department/council I am getting the hand-grip attached to my bed to allow me to get in/out and pull myself up with rather than reaching over my head to struggle using the bed-frame which I've been resorted to.

Busy Week

This week is totally non-stop and as a result I won't be able to write the first 'real' post for this blog.

Originally I had two appointments, my usual Physiotherapy on Wednesday and the dentist's on Friday to get a tooth extracted. Easy on my non-existent energy level and pain level.

Today I had an incredibly early wake up call to go to my brother's before he left for work at 8am, this was the second day (last Thursday being the other) that I've waited in for his modem from BT to be delivered. He checked with BT again this lunchtime and found that the person in the call centre who on Friday said his replacement modem for the one which went awry last week in transit would arrive today was wrong. Two working days was needed for dispatch and it wouldn't be delivery till tomorrow.

So home again just after lunchtime and I'll be up early again tomorrow to go to his house and wait in for the delivery which hopefully will come this time. Third time lucky and all that!

Anyway if it doesn't arrive he is out of luck as I have appointments Wednesday through Friday now that I can't change to stay in his house to await delivery if it doesn't turn up tomorrow.

This afternoon the Occupational Therapist at the Council/Social Work department phoned about the referral she got from my OT at the hospital last week. She is coming Thursday at 11am to see me at home to assess these problems I'm having including not being able to use the overhead shower that she actually arranged to have installed for me about 8 years ago when we moved in here originally.

Also as the schools my three nephews attend go off for 3 days in-service training starting Thursday so we have them all for the entire day on Thursday. My Father is intending to take all three with him to pay our rent when the OT is due so that they won't get 'in the way' so to speak while she's here assessing me.

Friday I have an appointment in the morning to return to the dentist, I was there last Wednesday for a check-up and back on Friday past for a filling and the results of the x-ray I had taken, when I am due to have a tooth extracted.

First Post

Original title I know!

I've been thinking long and hard about what to put into this post to be totally honest.

A few months back I created my disability/health blog fmshell here on blogger but now find that my usage hasn't been exactly what I intended to be. I decided to create this blog to serve the purpose that my original blog was intended for.

Fmshell is a rather vent-like, ranting-like, blog rather than devoted to my own feelings/opinions on living with my disabilities and the impact of the Welfare Reform Bill on me personally.

So here is my disability blog where I share my own perspective on living day to day with the impact of several disabling conditions and how the 'big society' that the government rhetoric claim they are creating affects my life.

I'll be back in the near future with better thought out and hopefully thought provoking posts.