Friday, 2 March 2012

How Do I?

How do I explain to you how I feel? How it feels to be in pain 24/7, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year?

Just how to you go about explaining it?

I've sat down more times than I care to remember to put my thoughts on this into words adequate enough to explain how it feels to be me.

Sometimes I lie awake silently begging invisible Gods and Goddesses to help me, to stop the pain just for a few minutes, a couple of hours or even for a whole day. What would I do with a full day without the pain that has become my constant companion. My invisible life-partner.

Invisible to everyone but me who feels it's presence even on any good or fairly good days I might have.

Along with the illnesses, diseases, disorders or however who would class them I also have other invisible life partner. One is called depression, another stress, another nerves, another frustration ... the list of these life partners are endless. Or at least feel this way to me. Every-time I name one another appears to take it's place.

How do I explain to those who are supposed to help me, therapists, doctors, specialist, friends, family and politicians alike. How do I explain to those who don't want to understand?

My body is a battle ground and every second of every day it is being fought over relentlessly by all these invisible enemies. My body is a field of war, but how do I explain this? How do I explain how I feel?

How to I explain the fear that live with?

Will this be the appointment when I am given yet another disease or disorder to add to my list of afflictions. Is this the day  I am given the one which will take what little life I have from me?

How do I explain?

Can you tell me?

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