What Cha Doing?

To quote my youngest nephew, "What Cha Doing?", and I'm learning how to to do things like video blogging and pod-casting.

As I am still in the early learning process of creating my own videos I have also been looking into embedding audio files - pod-casts I believe they are referred to - for when I am unable to sit and use my computer/laptop to physically type up content for my blogs.

I bought this really cheap Computer Gear microphone and am blown away by the audio quality it provides, I tested it out using the free Audacity software to create audio files. It really surprised me even sounding better - to me anyway - than my live chat headset I got for learning voice recognition on my laptop. Or rather my Mother's laptop, I must remember that, but she wants to get the full use of her laptop so it's not sitting in it's bag between the times she wants to use it. So it sits by default in my room and it's a big help when I am unable to sleep or unable to sit comfortably enough to sit in the living room with my desktop.

I can rest my weary bones on my much more comfortable memory foam mattress in my room when required and still not go round the bend with nothing to do. I find using my pc to be a great help especially on days and weeks where the walls are coming in on me and I'm not physically able to get out. Thank you very much for technology!

As well as giving me access to the world outside my four walls, it helps me by reminding me to take my medications, when to pay my bills so I don't forget and have to also pay charges, and stops me becoming even more solitary than my disability already does.

I can talk, virtually speaking, to others like myself who are house bound or trapped due to illness. People who understand completely, allowing me to be less alone in this whole she-bang.

I lived through my spinal deformities and all the health woes and pains it caused me and all I had access to was books while trapped in my bed for days on end only seeing anyone else when they returned from school/work that day and I couldn't expect them to 'entertain' me the rest of time. It wasn't fair to them. So I spent hours, and hours, and hours alone with only my pain and thoughts for company. So believe me technology is a big help and at least a companion for me when I am physically alone.

Sometimes technology is the truly the  best medicine.

Let's Talk About It

We are inundated with unsolicited advice when we go out in public, so much so we dread travelling outside our house.

Will parking in the supermarket and displaying my blue badge mean some random stranger to launch a scrounger hate filled rhetoric in my direction? Or will this be the time that it stops being verbal and turns to something physical? Is it worth the risk to find out?

These are thoughts that I wrestle with more and more these days, every retelling from another disabled individual fuels my fear for my own safety while doing something that millions do everyday. Shop for food.

Disabled hate crime is disgusting, even more disgusting is that it's those charged with supporting and helping us have any kind of life who is fuelling this fire of hatred.

Discrimination of all types is morally and legally wrong.

Why is disabled hate crimes not considered just as vile as someone verbally and physically attacking another person because of their skin colour, religion or sexual orientation?

How Do I?

How do I explain to you how I feel? How it feels to be in pain 24/7, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year?

Just how to you go about explaining it?

I've sat down more times than I care to remember to put my thoughts on this into words adequate enough to explain how it feels to be me.

Sometimes I lie awake silently begging invisible Gods and Goddesses to help me, to stop the pain just for a few minutes, a couple of hours or even for a whole day. What would I do with a full day without the pain that has become my constant companion. My invisible life-partner.

Invisible to everyone but me who feels it's presence even on any good or fairly good days I might have.

Along with the illnesses, diseases, disorders or however who would class them I also have other invisible life partner. One is called depression, another stress, another nerves, another frustration ... the list of these life partners are endless. Or at least feel this way to me. Every-time I name one another appears to take it's place.

How do I explain to those who are supposed to help me, therapists, doctors, specialist, friends, family and politicians alike. How do I explain to those who don't want to understand?

My body is a battle ground and every second of every day it is being fought over relentlessly by all these invisible enemies. My body is a field of war, but how do I explain this? How do I explain how I feel?

How to I explain the fear that live with?

Will this be the appointment when I am given yet another disease or disorder to add to my list of afflictions. Is this the day  I am given the one which will take what little life I have from me?

How do I explain?

Can you tell me?

Mad March

Well, it's better than any of the other blog titles I could think of!

My Dabs order was despatched last night, logged into sorting depot at midnight and left sorting depot sixty seconds later heading for the delivery depot I would suppose. Since then to change or update on the tracking service.

Tomorrow is shaping up to be a very busy day for me as my brother is dropping off his three boys while he and his wife head out of town to Costco who apparently have a sale going on and some items they are interested in are in it.

We had to do our violin school run again as my eldest nephew forgot to pick up his violin this morning and left it on his bed, so had to head to brother's house, pick it up and head back across town to drop it off during lunchtime so that he would have it for his lesson in the afternoon.

My youngest nephew is really getting into the computer, it's the return of the 'Magic Desktop', a built in piece of software which creates a kiddie-safe desktop which various puzzles, games and even a note pad application for younger children wanting to learn to safely use a computer. When I got my PC three or so years ago it was my middle nephew who spent all his time visiting us after nursery playing with the computer, now it's the youngest. Now if only I can get him to stop crashing the program and jamming my PC by crazy clicking or continually holding down the mouse.

So I think I'll head to bed early tonight because I know they will be here early tomorrow and they never are ones to let me sleep in any.

I have set up my YouTube channel for this blog and now just need to get some videos made and uploaded. The only problem is I tend to get side tracked and ramble completely off in an unexpected direction, have difficulty vocalizing my thoughts and other problems when I try to record some short *snort* videos. Last one I was talking about the Work Program and how it reminded me of my own experience on the YTS between 16 and 18 and before I knew it I had recorded over half an hour of rambles about my *excuse the misnomer* experience on work placement under this scheme.