Depressed

Quite honestly I feel like lying down and crying myself to sleep. Hoping when I wake up that my life will be better. Or my legs/hips/back will be all healed up and usable once again.

I have just had the Occupational Therapist visit from the social work department/council I am getting the hand-grip attached to my bed to allow me to get in/out and pull myself up with rather than reaching over my head to struggle using the bed-frame which I've been resorted to.





I am also getting a stool for the kitchen which will allow me easier access to the kitchen equipment. Taps, sink, boards for using kettle, preparing food etc., you know the type of things.

Unfortunately my main and biggest problem is I am no longer able to use the overhead disabled shower that was put in several years ago due to the degeneration of my lower limbs.

She says I need a split level shower now given the extent of my disability, but they don't put them into upstairs bathrooms. She asked if I was thinking of moving any time soon, as we fought for years to get this house and move away from the split level flat we were in before than had over three dozen external stairs on the staircase leading to the veranda that our flat was situated on.

So as moving house, which would mean my parents moving as well as I live with them and my Mother is my full time carer helping me on a daily basis, so as that was out she asked if we owned or rented our semi detached house from the local council and as tenants we can apply for planning permission to see if the council will allow a split level shower to be installed. But this would cost us the cost for planning permission, which we don't have, and isn't guaranteed a positive result. Then we don't know if they or us would have to then pay for the shower and installation. I was too gutted at the time to ask that to be honest.

We can't afford to move even if there was an available single level flat available, this would also mean moving away from my limited help network as my brother is five minutes away by car presently even if he is away three times a year on holiday.

The only options are my Mother to force my limbs into the current shower, something that's proved too painful dangerous and impossible to do which I pointed out to her when she found out that the therapist said that the shower I need they won't install in an upstairs bathroom. Or buy a plastic shower chair and travel to my brother's house and hope he doesn't mind me using his walk in on suite shower in his house.

Neither are really suitable or attainable in any type of long term basis.

Whichever way we look it's bleak to be honest. We know from my brother's building his extension on a few years ago that applying for planning permission takes months and costs several hundred each time you have apply to the council. The planning board only convene a few times a year and if they knock back your plan for reason you have to pay the architect to adapt his plans which costs more money and then pay to put the plan before the board the next time it convenes.